Scary robots make de-boning ham a cinch

You MUST check out This video of a new robot assembly that can de-bone 500 ham shanks an hour!  It's worth watching the whole thing (3-4 mins approx) even if only for the almost organic-like motion of the cutting arms that use x-rays to guide their slicing and dicing.  It's worryingly efficient and I even got a chuckle from the comment below from 'Raygun':
"This is how robots are going to cut us up when they take over. I cant wait!!!"

Microsoft proves once and for all that it is clueless about what we want...or that it doesn't care.

Have you ever been caught in a shopping mall or office by a salesman(woman) who gives you a pitch?  You try to run away and you know you have no interest in what's being said...but for some reason, out of courtesy or fear, you hear them out until you finally make your excuses and run for the hills.  Do you remember how that person made you feel?  How you wanted to hit them?  Perhaps even deprive them of life?

Well Microsoft's recently announced 'feature' looks to be the result of yet another 'oh-so-ingenious-err-actually-no-it-isn't' pitch from the Xbox marketing division to its own corporate clients.  Meet Enrique de la Garza who stars in this IGN video talking about how wonderful Kinect+Xbox Ads+Social Networking can be by offering 'interactive' ads that you can shout at using Kinect's voice-recognition functionality.  I'll admit, as lame as 'interactive ads' sound, I was intrigued at first.  I imagined something like those clever web ads you see where you have to shoot a duck with your mouse cursor.  Perhaps they were going to do something like that using Kinect: I thought to myself.  Then I watched the video.

Get this.  In one example, you can interrupt an ad and tell Xbox to 'tweet' to a friend and then...voila!  Your friend gets a link to the ad on twitter!  Great, huh?

-err NO it isn't.  It's stupid.  Why the hell would I do that?  Why would I even watch the ad?  Even listening to the guy explaining the feature, it's quite obvious that this idea was born, developed and sold within the cubicle jungle of Microsoft headquarters.  At one point he says 'you know how social teens are' when attempting to explain the 'value' of being able to tweet an ad for Coke to a friend.  Well, I'm happy to say that I actually take enough time during my Thirty-something years to talk to teens and I'm pretty sure that they'd all agree that tweeting an ad by shouting a command at Kinect is one of the dumbest ideas on the planet. 

Microsoft's ignorant and condescending approach to researching one of its core target markets has found a new low with these so-called 'interactive ads.'  What's more, this just proves my original concerns in my last article that Microsoft is losing touch with the true desires of the consumer market.  While I thankfully did not actually purchase Kinect (it was given as a gift), I have been waiting for ages to justify the existence of this rather large and gaudy noddy-box sitting on top of my television.  Once again, yet another Kinect 'feature' comes along with no discernible value.  In fact, it has finally convinced me to take my Kinect off the TV and hock it on Ebay for whatever little I can get.  Maybe I can raise enough cash to get a copy of L.A. Noire; at least that way I get a chance to tell a smooth-talking fool that he's 'full of sh*t' directly to his face...and if he doesn't like it, I can shoot him. ;)

Post E3 Keynote thoughts: Has Microsoft become victim to its own company culture?

Keynotes....sometimes all you can do is slump in your seat in disbelief.  We all suspected that the upcoming Microsoft E3 keynote was going to be a bit of a dog.  After all, Bungie is gone (to Activision of all places - but that's another story), Fable 3 has shown that Peter Molyneux is now officially fit for euthanasia and everywhere you look it's 'Kinect, Kinect, Kinect'...

However, there's always that small part of you (based on history) that Microsoft is actually just playing its cards close to the chest and is waiting for the opportune moment to shout 'SURPRISE!' with something good.  Well, that time has come and gone and it's looking increasingly clear that Microsoft has come to E3 (for the most part) empty handed.  Or rather, what they came with is camp, awful and full of children shouting 'yippee.'  

Watching Xbox conferences nowadays is nothing like the edgy, blockbuster music-driven extravaganzas of the launch days.  Instead, I find it reminiscent of waiting in line expecting 'Star Wars Episode 1' and ending up with 'Jar Jar Binks and friends.'  So why does Microsoft continue to pursue this mediocre path of diaper-laden living rooms smothered in motion-controlled fantasies of fluffy baby tigers and ecstatic toddlers full of blue Smarties?  Because that's what Microsoft is:  A company staffed by families.  In my line of work, I have known a few Microsoft people over the years (all good people, by the way) and even a few of them work in Redmond including some old high-school buddies.  

Funny thing about that is Redmond itself; it's a bit of a 'Disneyworld' of the tech industry where Microsoft employees live and work together in a giant, self-contained community of techno-nerds who spend their days punching keys for big 'M', drinking 'mochachinos' while attempting to beat yesterday's elliptical trainer record, attending organised 'social gatherings' and utlimately, falling in love with another Microsoft employee, getting married, having kids and enlisting their children into the R&D programme to earn a 20% discount on Mochachinos.  There was a great book written by Douglas Coupland inspired by one of these former Redmondnites called 'Microserfs' - in case you're interested.  Even more funny is when you mention Redmond to Microsoft staffers who work outwith (particularly in Europe); the very mention of the name provokes this weird facial expression; like they want to say 'Eewww Redmond' but don't want to put their own company down.  It's quite amusing to see actually and everyone, including Microsoft employees, will admit that Redmond is that one place that's reserved only for the most 'Ra-Ra' of Microsoft cronies.  (think Simpsons:'Scorpio/Globex Corp' meets 'PeeWee's Playhouse')

The majority of what Microsoft does is ultimately baptised in Redmond.  Whether it be the tech itself, the research, the marketing, the beta-testing or <gulp> keynote scripting, anything of note that happens out of Microsoft has done its time in Redmond first.  Therein lies the problem.  While I have much respect for the great minds that live and work in Redmond, (bear in mind that a lot of these 'employees' are millionaires in their own right) their lives are very predictable and safe.  Their peers are of the same breed and cloth and most of them will work together, hang out together, go to each other's baby showers and attend each other's birthdays including the birthdays of respective 2,3,4,5,6,7-year-old kids, etc.  I'd imagine that most of what they deem 'cool' and 'fun' is in the context of this lifestyle...and that can put a very weird skew on the world.  It shows in recent years, anyway.

My point in all of this is that Redmond itself is making Microsoft irrelevant in the market.  Of course, I could be WAY off base here, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, possibly as a direct result of Steve Balmer's 'go-company-go' directives, Microsoft is no longer paying attention to the opinions or fountain of research available in the outside world.  Once a powerhouse in exhaustive R&D, Microsoft has definitely changed gears since Gates left and I suspect that Balmer has stepped away from third-party research initiatives thinking that suitable representation of their target markets are accessible by consulting with the 'willing and able' in Redmond campus.  The problem with this is that even if you run the numbers, you end up forming a very narrow and skewed result set for your research.  Not an issue provided that you only intend to appeal to the people who actually work in Redmond along with the millions of middle-class American families that graft onto their lifestyle.  In fact, you'll sell quite a bit - but is it enough to focus on one key market any more?  No.  I don't think so.  Microsoft could be at risk of destroying itself with the very thing it built to make it a contender in the first place.  Can they turn it around?  Difficult to say.  They certainly don't seem to be listening to anyone outside of Redmond.

Check out the REAL teaser for Aliens: Colonial Marines

Ok, it's pretty much the same but there's a glimpse of gameplay in this one. Punch in 174.143.27.200 into your browser and enter 'FATHER' as the hostname.  Jiggly sauce!!

Iran announces that it is building it's own 'Internet'

Techdirt is reporting that Iran; no longer happy with the big, bad world of free-access information; has decided to recreate the Internet in Allah's image and provide a 'made-in-Iran' World Wide Web.  This story will cue all sorts of jokes and there's already a few good ones in the comments on the link provided.  My own personal thoughts as posted:

lol - I can see it now:

"...iAllah Search Results for 'Women's Parental Rights'

Result 1: Infidel! You should not look at such things!
Result 2: Infidel! You should not look at such things!
Result 3: Infidel! You should not look at such things!

Search Suspended. Your activities have been logged. Please remain stationary while a consultant is arranged to visit with you..."

I suppose this is what happens when someone tries to explain the Internet to some rusty, old religious wingnut like Khamenei.
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Nothing starts E3 like a 'self-pwn' - Microsoft trips on shoelaces with announcement

There are times when companies get so big that one division fails to talk to the other before releasing things to the wild.  Major Nelson's recent mention of a new mobile streaming option supposedly allows you to watch the Xbox E3 conference on your smartphone.  To make it easy, a 3-dimensional barcode was posted (which you scan with your phone) to download the appropriate ICal file.  Easy enough, right?  Except for one comment posted by Jose Silva: 'Sigh... Windows Phone 7 does not support .ICS files... Sad!' 

Oh dear! ...and it gets worse.  It seems that some Android phones can't read the ICal file either.  So what CAN read it?  (have you guessed?)  That's right!  iPhone!  According to this wiki, ICal is Apple's standard transport for calendar events.  The thing is, no one apart from an iPhone user would think to post an iCal file although I can accept that many Apple customers think that there is no world outside of 'i-whatever.'  So we can now assume three things: 1. Major Nelson, the illustrious voice of Xbox, is an iPhone user.  2. Major Nelson doesn't check with his own company to see if their own phones can actually read what he's posted.  3. Apple just got a free bit of press thanks to egg on Microsoft's face.

I'd call that a 'self-pwn'....wouldn't you? ;)

Ponycorn? What the he** is a Ponycorn?

Well I'll tell you! (although you'll know soon enough) A 'Ponycorn' is like a Unicorn, only smaller.  There.  Easy, right?  I picked up on this story from a friend of mine on Buzz.  It seems that a cute little girl (complete with equally cutesy minor speech impediment) named Cassie Creighton has founded one of the newest Internet viral sensations.  Based on her drawings, voice-overs and abstract storytelling that only 5-year-olds can muster,  'Sissy's Magical Ponycorn Adventure' is actually quite entertaining and a suitable excuse for a coffee holiday on a slow Friday at work.

Sissy's (Cassie) Dad roped the project together with some accomplished programming expertise and provides some of his own humorous voice-work.  You can see the effort that he put in with Cassie by walking through the dialogue and it's quite evident that Cassie had an absolute ball doing the project with her Daddy.  Having a little girl myself, I found this whole thing quite touching because it really captures the heart-warming presence of a 5-year-old's imagination brought to life.

Not to mention (also quite endearing) that all donations go directly to Cassie's education fund (at $2,300 at time of writing this).

I played through 5 minutes of Sissy's adventure between meetings and absolutely laughed myself Sissy (I mean 'Silly' ;)   -and now I'm off to enjoy my weekend....and find me some Ponycorns!!!

Sony (sigh) - just read on...

Yup.  Again.  Bit-tech is reporting that Sony Pictures was hacked, this time by a group called 'LulzSec' who posted the usernames and passwords of 60,000 customers on bittorrent.  While what they did is wrong, they did have a message and while that message came from 'the bad guys' - it is the right message as once again, an SQL Injection attack was used and passwords were found in (you guessed it) unencrypted plain text.  The message reads as follows: "This is disgraceful and insecure...They were asking for it...Why do you put such faith in a company that allows itself to become open to these simple attacks?'

My response?  Time.  Sony has a LOT of remedial work to do and as I said, I think it will take at least 2 years.  Customers would be wise to listen though - don't trust Sony's security.  Not for a while anyway.

They're Baaack! Aliens: Colonial Marines returns to LV-426 in early 2012

Take a glimpse at the trailer on PX 360 for the game that was announced, delayed, announced again, postponed 'indefinitely', announced, delayed and now announced (finally, we hope) for the last time.  The good news is that 'Colonial Marines' gets an E3 trailer this time around and that's usually pretty definitive.  The story always looks fairly unchanged too (which is good) - you join a bad of marines sent to investigate the disappearance of the original team and crew of the 'Sulaco.'   If we know anything about Aliens canon, it's that the military (and everyone else) were usually kept in the dark.  Obviously, upper echelons of the military under the guidance of Weyland-Yutani Corp. knew exactly what happened to Ripley, Bishop and the rest - but we can presume that no one bothers to tell the Colonial Marines; and they want answers...and payback.  Aliens: Colonial Marines centres around a new, original story that follows a second 'airborne' unit who return to LV-426 to find out exactly what happened to the colonists and the team that was sent to rescue them.  Bring on the bug hunt!